It happens every year… Right after Thanksgiving, I feel this defensive, frustrated state start to build within me. It took me awhile to figure out what it was all about and why it was happening. I used to love Christmas, like REALLY love it! It was my absolute favorite holiday. I loved finding the perfect gifts for the people I cared about. I loved decorating. I loved making cookies and candies to give away. I simply loved the holiday. But over the years that love has quickly turned into dread, frustration and, well, I guess anger.
Why? My husband isn’t a huge fan of Christmas. He struggles to find gifts for people. He thinks all the decorations are clutter that will need to be stored all year. And he thinks (rightly so) no one needs all that extra sugar provided in the cookies and candies. Ba Humbug!
For many years, I went on my merry holiday-making way, but after awhile, his holiday “non-joy” started to wear on me. I want to get my kids most of the things on their lists (within reason of course… My son will NOT be getting the $400 sneakers that he will promptly outgrow). But over the years of hearing him complain about how much everything costs; how much stuff the kids get; how it’s all junk anyway; that we don’t have time to deal with the decorations each year; and so on, it just isn’t fun anymore.
So I’ve built a defensive wall to try to protect myself from his “Scrooge-ness”. This wall is built from blocks of anger that are cemented together with frustration and defiance. The problem is, that in trying to protect myself, I’ve blocked off my Joy as well. I can’t change how he feels about the holidays. Some of his beliefs I understand, some I don’t. What I can change is MY reaction.
As a couple, I know I need to try to reach a compromising state that works for both of us. But it’s really hard to want to compromise, let alone to find that compromise, when I feel so angry and frustrated that he has popped my happy holiday bubble, year after year. Thankfully I have EFT tapping to help me release the anger and frustration, so I can clearly and compassionately find that place of compromise with my husband. Because, even though I think he may be a long lost relative of Scrooge, I do love him dearly and I also want to enjoy the holiday season.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, you will find this script very helpful. As always, replace the wording to best suit your situation and emotions. Perhaps you may agree more with my husband’s point of view, there’s nothing wrong with that. This script will still work, as I’m sure there is anger and frustration when dealing with a “Happy Holiday-maker”, like myself.
Begin by establishing how intense the emotional distress is for you, on a scale of 0-10. (Zero is nothing and 10 is a really big deal.) If you need a refresher on how to tap, please see the diagrams and video on our main website. Take a deep breath and start tapping!
KC: Even though I am feeling frustrated and angry because my spouse and I don’t agree on how to celebrate this holiday…I acknowledge these feelings and I’m open to finding a positive compromise. (Repeat 3 times.)
EB: He’s such a Scrooge
SE: It makes me so angry and frustrated
UE: It takes away my joy of the season
UN: All this anger and frustration
CP: The holidays are no fun now
CB: Why can’t he be happy about this holiday
UA: He’s such a Scrooge
TH: I’m so angry and frustrated with him
EB: This anger and frustration don’t help me, though
SE: I want to enjoy the holiday
UE: I’m open to releasing this anger
UN: Releasing the anger might help me see his side
CP: I’m open to finding a compromise as to how we celebrate
CB: A compromise that works for both of us
UA: A compassionate, understanding compromise
TH: I’m open to releasing the anger and frustration so I can enjoy the holiday
Continue tapping through this script until you feel a release in your anger and frustration. Once you release these emotions, finding a compromise on how to celebrate the season will be so much easier. Happy Holidays!